Only a mothe r could love this liver
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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