Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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