I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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