Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
