Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
