Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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