I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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