He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
