when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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