right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
And then my night got REAL pukey
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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