Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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