this boner is exhausting
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
