Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
