I wish I only lived at night.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
