I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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