If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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