Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
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