I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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