Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
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