Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
