I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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