i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
