The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
