I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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