Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
