I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I can text with my tongue
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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