How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
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