last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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