so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
