drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
