So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize