Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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