this just has baby written all over it
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
