I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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