the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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