I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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