Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
