You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She even gives head with a lisp.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
