elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
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He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
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i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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