i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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