his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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