I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
These tits shall not be calmed
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
