I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
