I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I need to calm my uterus...
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
