People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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