I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
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You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
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I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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