coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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