I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize