***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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