Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
