please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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