My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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