Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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