I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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