Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
