why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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