hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Randomize
