if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
