I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
