I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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