I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
