I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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