Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
